Anyone else feeling the need to streamline a bit, when it comes to spending time online (types the girl who is a blogger, for crying out loud)?  In my current job I’m on the computer for most of the day; I take frequent internet breaks to maintain my sanity while reviewing gyp board submittals or researching hardware, and it’s probably not really helping.  Sometimes I feel worse afterwards than I did when I started.

I’m breaking up with most of my social media, and setting boundaries with the rest.  Here goes:

@ Facebook: We used to have a lot of fun together, but now you’re kind of distant.  Most of the news I get feels so…businesslike.  Probably because I have “liked” too many things, and now I feel like everyone just wants to sell me something.  On the plus side, I love seeing what my friends are up to, and it’s such a convenient way to communicate with people. “I’ll find you on Facebook” is just easier than exchanging contact information. So:  I’m not sure where we stand.  I’m willing to work on our relationship.  I’ll be more committed once all the political sniping dies down after the election.  We’ll see.

@ Pinterest: It’s not me.  It’s you.  You are a poser.  I’m sure there are a few folks who use it in a productive way to create things; unless you’re one of that handful, I think this site is largely just a place to hoard other people’s ideas, and Frankenstein together some kind of aspirational online persona. Curating is not creating. I’m going to go make something.

@ Goodreads: It’s not you, it’s me.  You are too good for me.  I was an English major, and I used to read James Joyce and Dostoyevsky and Charles Dickens for fun, and now I am reduced to spending the entire summer trying to get through Pillars of the Earth. I already feel massive guilt about the unread stack of books I’ve neglected all year; it doesn’t help to see the elegant, thoughtfully crafted reviews my friends are writing about the multiple great works per month they’re managing to consume. I wish you the very best.  You’re better off without me.

@ Linkedin:  I find you aggressive and creepy.  I am filing a restraining order.  I do not want professional colleagues receiving a generic robot-generated messages from me stating “Katherine would like to add you to her professional network.”  I would not. My colleagues and I will discuss the state of our industry at awkward wine-and-cheese events at the equally awkward AIA building.  You know.  Like people do.

@ Google+: Have we met?  Apparently I logged on once about eight months ago when someone added me to a circle, whatever that means, and I felt rude refusing. Now I just keep getting added to circles, in which I have not once participated.   Sorry to give you the brush-off; my social media dance card is already full.  I’m sure you’ll make somebody very happy.  Facebook kind of cornered the market before you arrived on the scene.

@ Twitter: You are an unhealthy crush.  You fascinate me, and yet you are not good for me, and I’m not sure I like you all that much, once you get past all the fast-talking.  I do appreciate the information I get from my favorite bands, music venues, and food trucks, which I think is the best reason to log on.  However: you have too much baggage.  I can’t follow one person I like, without being subjected to this person’s entire entourage and their minute-by-minute twerping.  I am winnowing my Twitter feed down to essentials only, and maybe we can still be friends.

@ my favorite bloggers:  I am never giving up on us.  But please, I beg you, stop posting pictures of your pets.  I love the fact that your pets exist (unless they are cats) but I turn to you for actual writing, and sometimes reading your posts is the most inspiring thing I get to do all day at my desk, or at least the funniest. I love you enough to put up with this.  But we’re going to need some therapy if I see another captioned cat photo.

@ Instagram: don’t change a thing.  I think I love you.

I feel a small psychic weight lifted.  I’d love some better internet diversions, so feel free to send me the ones that are worth the time investment.  Until then, I think I’ll work on more face time with actual people, and less running around in cyber circles trying to take sips from the firehose of information always coming at me.  There must be a better way.

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