So the guy responsible was about 6′-5″, wearing a black cap and weighing in somewhere north of 25o. That’s what I’d say in a police report. Fortunately I do not have to file a police report, because a) the giant man was very nice, and b) I had actually requested and paid for the deep-tissue massage during which I was absolutely flattened as if by a steamroller. Learn from my experience, if you will; let me be a cautionary tale. “Deep tissue” = “steamroller.” I would have spoken up, but I figured people sign up for these in order to feel better, so theoretically it was one of those “if you’re going to make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs” situations. Also, I didn’t want to be a candy-ass. Turns out I am a tender, tender flower. Everything hurts.
It’s not really his fault. I booked the appointment yesterday because the pre-holiday back spasms have started, the day I simultaneously had a forty-five minute visit with my mother and realized that Thanksgiving is next week. I saw my first Christmas tree this morning on the way to work. I’m not the only one with psychosomatic holiday stress symptoms, I’m sure of it. What are you doing to ward off the teeth-grinding and white-knuckling? Yoga? Naps? Retail therapy? Excessive egg nog?
Let’s make a pact, holiday people. Let’s promise to be nice to ourselves, and make regular appointments for sanity checks with our people over peppermint lattes and fireside beers, and go ahead and put time for ourselves on the calendar, now, in big chunks and in bold letters, for when we know we’ll need it most. Let’s enjoy the best parts of the holidays (Christmas pageants with small children dressed as farm animals and Tchaikovsky and Christmas Vacation) and try to maintain some humor about the worst parts (budget stress and awkward office gift exchanges and the feeling that no matter what we do, we can’t make everyone happy).
At that: I’m going to zip it, and not mention the holidays again (until the next time I freak out). For now, I’m going to take some Tylenol and try to catch up on last week’s Nashville on Hulu. Hope you are all likewise gathering your strength. Go team go.