Oh, feeling so much better over here.
Now that every fiber of my being is not focused on keeping my knee from self-destructing, I have actually exhaled. And then I took some deep breaths, and exhaled again. I have been walking, still slowly, and I am up to 2/3 speed with an appearance of normalcy. I have been taking stairs, slowly, doing everything else, slowly, but much more steadily. Nothing feels normal yet, but that’s fine; it’s just so much better to be merely mildly injured (chondromalatia patella, if you’re into labeling things) and not mildly injured and also terrified of every movement. I know what to do to fix it.
So I went to yoga. The last time I went, two weeks ago, was a disaster. At that point everything hurt, and I was also trying not to injure anything further, so I was miserable and came home in much worse shape than when I started. That started the two weeks of ice and aching and MRIs and couch time and expensive diagnostics. It makes sense now why it hurt to begin with, and why staying off of it made the symptoms better in a hurry, but made the overall situation worse.
Today’s class was much more fun. Things are still off-kilter, but there wasn’t anything I was afraid to try. Some of it hurt, but not nearly as much as I’d have guessed, and when I felt shaky, I kept saying to myself: Chill. I must chill. I am chill. This is all very chill.
It really was. I mean, not the 105 degree room. But the rest of it.
I signed up for the holiday daily hot yoga challenge. I’m doing 22 days straight, which is a bit of a time commitment, but actually quite a bargain, both economically and emotionally. Also, if strength and balance is supposed to fix me, then I am doubling down on my investment. Physical therapy starts next week, but I’m betting yoga gets me there a lot faster. By the end of class I was fantasizing about trail running again, the only kind of running I’ve ever really loved, the kind I thought I’d had to give up for good. I think in a couple of months I’ll be way better off, overall, than I thought I could be.
Bonus: After two weeks of rest and regrouping, I am going into the holidays with a whole new perspective. I’ve set down most of my worries for right now. I have a crystal-clear picture of what I want over the next few months, which is something that’s much easier to see after a break from the daily grind. Wow, that picture looks different from my picture of the last few months. That’s not a bad thing. I love a to-do list. I love a challenge. (Ask me if I still feel that way on about day 15 of hot yoga.)
Tonight it’s Christmas tree reconnaissance, and then some roots music and tacos.
It’s all very chill.